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No Gods, No Kings... Only Man, part 3/4 - Dex
dextrosinistral
dextrosinistral
No Gods, No Kings... Only Man, part 3/4
no gods no kings only man banner

Title: No Gods, No Kings... Only Man
Author: dextrosinistral (frankie_felony)
Artist(s): ammo and h4ppy_fun_b4ll
Beta: wellworld
Rating Mature
Word count: ~30,900
Characters/pairings: Castiel/Jimmy, Dean/Castiel/Jimmy, Jimmy/Amelia, hints of assumedly one-sided Gabriel/Castiel, hints of Castiel/Meg, hints of Crowley/Castiel
Warnings: Canon violence; rude nicknaming; possible Stockholm and Lima syndromes; abandonment issues; depression; symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia; symptoms of dissociative identity disorder; self-inflicted damage
Fic masterpost: here
See master post/part I for summary and notes
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Castiel is watching porn. Well, this is just fucking great. Jimmy never watched that much porn before, and he's never, ever wanted to watch it with other people. Especially not people sharing his body. And then he just has to say something about it. Jimmy is confused for a moment because Cas is trying to figure out the—the plot of the porn. He calls it "complex". Jimmy could laugh out loud. Before Jimmy can tell Cas that he should change the channel or just shut up, Cas has already opened their mouth.

This isn't going to get any better, is it? At least Jimmy is saved the trouble of shouting at Castiel in their shared headspace. Dean asks why Cas is watching porn. Castiel says that it was there. Dean makes his classic annoyed face—as Jimmy has come to call it—and snaps at them, "You don't watch porn in a room full of dudes. And you don't... talk about it!" Jimmy thinks that settles it. And then it gets even worse. Castiel looks down at their lap. Jimmy has been in and out for enough of the day that he's not sure what's going on until Dean says, "Oh, great, now he's got a boner."

Jimmy is going to have to talk to Castiel about boundaries. Again. It's okay to get an erection when they're in the shower, or when they're by themselves and Castiel sometimes lets Jimmy's hands wander. It's not okay to watch porn and pop a woody in the company of the Winchesters. Or anyone else, for that matter.

If he's totally honest with himself, Jimmy is a little jealous about it. He keeps these thoughts and feelings buried deep as he can because he really doesn't want Cas to know. The last thing they need is for Castiel to ask Sam or Dean anything concerning feelings. Jimmy might secretly have it bad for Cas, but as far as he can tell, Cas doesn't share that feeling.

Campbell shows up and asks if this is Sam and Dean's new hobby, watching porn with angels. Cas, without missing a beat, says, "I'm not supposed to talk about it." While it certainly isn't the best answer, it is probably the most hilarious one. Campbell gives the brothers Crowley's location, and they all meet up with Meg to go after him.

Meg looks Cas up and down like she likes what she sees, and Jimmy sort of wants to throw up a little. He's never really noticed what demons look like before, and he wishes that he could have kept on being oblivious. Castiel doesn't want to work with the demons, but they don't have another option. While they're preparing for their mission, Castiel tells Dean that he's not sure he wants to do this. Sam may not survive, and that's one of the best-case scenarios. Dean insists that getting Sam's soul back is the best option, and they'll figure out what to do, damn the consequences. Cas still isn't quite convinced.

They get into Crowley's compound with much more ease than Jimmy thought they would have. Shouldn't the King of Hell be a little tighter with his security? That's a thing, right? Oh, wait: Hellhounds. Well, that's clever. Meg tries to escape, but she can't leave her meat suit. Apparently Crowley's got some spells to keep everyone in their bodies. Jimmy idly wonders if that means that Crowley is stuck in his body, too.

And then Meg kisses Castiel, reaching in his coat. Jimmy starts getting that vomit-y feeling again, and then Cas kisses her back! With tongue, and his hands in her hair, and this is just so unfair, why can't Jimmy have his own body back? He's not sure that Cas would even want to kiss him like that. She asks what that was, and Cas answers, "I learned it from the pizza man."

Meg gets Castiel's angel sword and sends the rest of them on their way to Crowley. She's going to try to hold off the hellhounds. That doesn't sound like it's going to work out for anyone. Sam and Dean and Cas continue on their way until Campbell banishes Cas.

Jimmy tells Cas that they've been angel-banished way the hell too many times. They've been blown apart, banished, shot, stabbed. He just wants to know when enough is enough.

Castiel stops and picks up Crowley's bones on the way back to save the day. When they get back to Crowley's hideout, he's just gotten out of a devil's trap. Crowley mocks Castiel for a while, and then asks what he's got in his bag. Cas says that Crowley sucks at hiding his important bits and asks if Crowley can actually get Sam's soul back. When Crowley concedes that he can't, Castiel sets the bag of bones on fire.

Jimmy is impressed. Again, or maybe still. He's not sure which it is. Meg vanishes as soon as Crowley is gone. Dean says he would've killed Meg, too, but that he'd have given Cas some alone time with her. Castiel doesn't understand and asks why he would want that. Jimmy doesn't bother trying to explain sexual attraction this time. It will inevitably lead to awkward questions that he's not ready to answer, like, is that why you shy away from acknowledging some of your thoughts to me?

After they've cleaned up the mess – well, after they've taken care of the rest of the monsters from Crowley's hideout – Castiel confesses that he's losing the battle with Raphael. He would rather be with the Winchesters instead of fighting this war he's never going to win. The brothers aren't very good at pep talks. Jimmy figures this is probably the tenth time or so that one or both of them have attempted to raise Castiel's mood and utterly failed.


Sam gets his soul back. Dean asks how Sam is, and Cas says that he's not sure. He also says that he warned Dean to not get Sam's soul returned, and that the soul feels like it's been skinned. Jimmy still posits that they should've gotten Sam's soul out of the cage from the start, or—even better idea—they should have not let him go into the cage in the first place, and then they wouldn't be dealing with these problems.

Sam asks Cas to come down, and Cas does. He says a bit about it being good to see Sam alive, and Jimmy thinks that it's not right to lie to the moose. Castiel tells him to shut up and tries to go in for a hug with Sam, but Sam looks at him weirdly, and Cas surmises that hugging would be awkward.

Sam says that he talked to Bobby, who told him everything, and Castiel believes it. Jimmy tries to tell Cas that he smells bullshit, but it doesn't work. Castiel mentions that it's shocking that Sam made it and that he implored Dean not to do it. Sam says it's understandable, and Cas asks how it feels. Sam is confused, and Cas clarifies, "To have your soul back, of course." For a moment surprise flickers across Sam's face, and Cas asks Jimmy if he shouldn't have said anything about Sam's soul to him. Jimmy tells him it was probably a bad idea, but since he's already said it, he might as well answer Sam's questions.

So Castiel does. He warns Jimmy that he'll put any blame for it squarely on Jimmy, since this whole question-answering thing is his vessel's idea.


Castiel is trying to do too much, helping the brothers clean things up on Earth while still fighting the war in heaven. Jimmy thinks his angel is intentionally spreading himself too thin, so he'll have an excuse when he fails. He can't blame Cas; he's done the same thing once or twice before. It's just so convenient, and no one ever faults somebody for trying to do too much. That doesn't stop him from trying to slow Cas down.

They've been taking care of some business in Heaven, and Castiel gets all strong and demanding at some of the angels. It makes Jimmy's heart flutter. All he knows is that there's some altercation happening between Balthazar and Raphael—big surprise—and that Cas isn't happy about it. He doesn't even care what's happening: Cas's extra-growly voice does things to Jimmy. He wants to throw Cas down and do all sort of things to him.


Castiel hears through the grapevine that Balthazar described him to the Winchesters as being "in love with" them. Jimmy bristles at that and demands to know if it's true. Cas denies it, but there is an inkling of doubt in his thoughts. He waffles for a moment and then says yes, he's kind of attracted to Dean—but not as much as he is to Jimmy. Isn't that worth something?

Their little misunderstanding is cut short when Castiel has to go pull the boys out of some mess they've found themselves in. Jimmy mutters something about always going after the Winchester brothers, and Castiel asks if this can wait until later. Finally, Jimmy relents and lets Castiel save the day—again.

Once they're all safely away from the fire, Dean asks if Cas knows what Balthazar did. Castiel tells them he did and that Balthazar is a bit of a brat. Dean asks why Atropos is trying to eliminate him and Sam if she's only going after the people who shouldn't exist because the Titanic was supposed to sink. Jimmy thinks, well, that answer's pretty obvious, idiot, and Cas is much more diplomatic and suggests that she's upset with them. They ask why, and he says because they stopped the Apocalypse and kind of downsized her, and now they're kind of rubbing that in her face.

He also lets them know that she's not going to stop trying to kill them until she succeeds—well, unless they kill her first. The brothers seem unsure about this, and Cas asks if they have a better idea. Unsurprisingly, they don't. Sam wants to know if it's even possible to kill Fate, and Castiel says that Balthazar has a weapon that will do it. He even uses the phrase "tempting fate" in his pitch, and Jimmy tells Cas he's never allowed to make a pun again.

Castiel finds the brothers when Atropos attacks them again. He tries to make nice, but she won't have any of it. She rants and raves that she was really good at her job, and Castiel regretfully informs her that she's expendable. Atropos says that she's been quiet, but she can't tolerate that they stopped the Titanic from sinking. Cas tries to say that it was Balthazar, but Atropos calls him out on that being bullshit because they created a host of new souls.

She tells him that he either has to sink the Titanic or she'll kill the Winchesters. It may not be now, and she might die over it, but she's the baby sister, and the other two Fates will come for revenge. And since Castiel is fighting a war in Heaven, he can't keep an eye on the brothers every second of the day. He finally agrees and tells Balthazar to not kill Atropos, as the plan had been. Balthazar begrudgingly goes back and lets the Titanic sink, like it was supposed to in the first place.

The brothers wake up in their Impala—damn, Jimmy loves that car—and they think that what just happened was a dream. Cas tells them it wasn't, and that the 50,000 souls that had been 'created'... well, they just don't exist. Dean asks if that means that the entire timeline they were in doesn't exist, and if so, why do they remember it?

Cas tells them that he wanted them to remember. Dean asks if Balthazar really stopped the Titanic from sinking because of the stupid film. Jimmy laughs and laughs, and asks Cas if he's going to tell the truth. Castiel tells the boys that Balthazar definitely un-did the events of the Titanic because of the film.

Jimmy asks Castiel why he keeps lying to the moose and the jerk. It's not very nice.


For some reason, Castiel's subordinates are acting strangely. He has to send Rachel home after she tries to tell the brothers to stop calling on Cas. She tells him she said she'd take care of it, but he doesn't put up with it. Jimmy applauds him. Rachel turns out to be Castiel's lieutenant, which Jimmy guesses is nice, but he questions her motives. Then again, he questions everybody's motives lately, so he's not sure if that's worth anything or not.

Cas seems more despondent than usual. Jimmy isn't sure why, but he thinks it's because of the war. Watching your family fight and kill each other has to be awful. Jimmy doesn't have any siblings, so he doesn't know for certain about that. What he is sure of is that he hated the fights he had with Amelia, and fights between angels have got to be worse. God being missing or, more likely, non-existent isn't helping one bit. All he wants is for Castiel to be happy again, and he doesn't know how to accomplish that. Until he figures it out, he's sticking with being supportive.

Jimmy laughs as Sam and Dean argue about Dean's alleged fetish for 'wild west' films and clothes. Dean even got entire outfits for them to wear. It's kind of cute, in a really creepy way. Cas makes it even better when he asks if it's traditional to wear a blanket. Dean laughs at him and tells him that it's a serape, thankyouverymuch. Jimmy wants to tell Dean that no, that's definitely a blanket, but he keeps quiet and pretends he's not saying anything because he's nice. Cas tells them they can only be gone for 24 hours, or they may not be able to come back.

He sends the brothers back in time to hunt down the Colt. While they're gone, Rachel summons Cas for a talk. She says there are rumours going around and something about a "dirty little secret"—and that phrase is way overused. If a pop punk band turns a phrase into a hit single, that phrase needs to be retired from the language. Castiel tells Jimmy that he's trying to have a serious conversation, but he will be happy to continue this later.

Cas tells Rachel that they have to beat Raphael. She acts like the angels following Cas have been sorely misled, and then she stabs him. Jimmy asks Cas if people are ever going to stop stabbing them because he's sick of it. Castiel says he's not so sure that's ever going to happen.

They fight because apparently all Cas does is throw down with angels these days, and in the fray, he kills Rachel. He apologises for it, and then takes them to Bobby's. He draws a sigil in Jimmy's blood on the refrigerator. Bobby asks what the hell happened, and then if they're running or fighting. Cas tries to answer, but collapses onto Bobby before he gets more than a word out.


The next thing he knows, Bobby is telling him he looks like shit and asking what went down. Cas sits up and looks around, disoriented for a moment, and says that he was betrayed. Raphael corrupted Rachel, and she tried to kill Cas. He got her in the end, but he had to protect himself from any other angels who might want to come after him. He's too weak to bring the brothers back, though.

Bobby tells him he has to find someone else who can; he has to do something to get them back. He asks if there's a spell or anything that'll let Cas bring them back. Castiel says there's one thing, but it's quite risky. Bobby says what else is new and asks what it is. When Cas tells Bobby that it's his soul, Bobby asks half-sarcastically if he needs to make another deal and seal it with a kiss.

Castiel says, "I need you to let me touch it." Wow, that doesn't sound creepy at all. Jimmy tells Cas that he's amazed at how not-creepy that sounds. Cas tells him to pipe down with the sarcasm because they have enough to deal with right now.

Bobby doesn't sound very excited by that idea. Cas explains that souls are energy—Jimmy thinks of an arc reactor, like Iron Man—and if he can use some of the energy, he can bring the boys back. But he has to be extraordinarily careful, or Bobby could explode. For a moment, Jimmy doesn't think Bobby is actually going to do it, but then Bobby says okay.

Before Castiel reaches into Bobby's soul, he asks again if Bobby is certain. Bobby tells him to get on with it, already. Cas does, and Jimmy can tell that it's pretty terrible because Bobby screams even through the belt he's biting. But the soul-touching works, and Sam and Dean get back—right before they fill the jar they have. Dean tries to get Cas to send them back, but Cas adamantly refuses.

There's a knock on the door, and it turns out to be a box from none other than Samuel Colt. Jimmy doesn't believe it, but there's a note and Sam's blackberry and a jar full of what looks like ashes. Sam reads the note and—oh, it is ashes. Jimmy isn't sure why they need a jar of phoenix ashes, but he's not about to ask, lest Castiel lecture him about paying attention to the important things.

How did he go from 'I just want you to be happy' to 'Oh, great, another thing to fight about' in a day? Maybe that's what getting stabbed by a holy implement whose primary use is for killing angels does to your relationship. Jimmy wishes he could have at least gotten a little more of the honeymoon phase before getting sucked straight back to old married couple. Not that they're actually even a couple, he has to remind himself. Not that it would ever work on principle because an atheist and an angel? It's hard to get much further apart than that.


Cas appears right behind Dean just as Dean says, "It's not like Cas lives in my ass." Sam and Dean raise their eyebrows at him, and he turns and jumps. "Get out of my ass, Cas!" Castiel starts to say he's never been there but stops himself because Dean looks him up and down. Why is Dean giving Cas that, "I'd hit that like the fist of an angry god" look? And why does Jimmy's face feel like Cas is considering that as an offer?

It takes a moment, but Castiel asks if they've found Eve yet. Jimmy asks Cas who Eve is and why they're looking for her. Castiel explains that she's the mother of all monsters. He doesn't say anything about why they're looking for her, though.

Bobby and the Winchesters discuss finding a 'friendly' monster. Jimmy doesn't know if those actually exist. But then, he supposes he doesn't exactly fit the mould of what people expect of atheists, so friendly monsters must be possible.

Castiel brings back a vampire called Lenore. Sam and Dean seem to know her. She says she remembers them—and their "hunter friend" who tried to kill her. Sam says that he killed that 'friend' after he turned into a vampire, and they introduce Cas. Lenore says that she has no comment on Eve.

Lenore's nest is gone. Eve has been telling them to feed on people, and she is really convincing. The vampires in her nest left because they couldn't resist the urge. Lenore says she's been hiding in a basement. When Dean asks if she knows where Eve is, Lenore laughs and laughs and asks if he's lost his mind.

Finally, she relents and tells them where Eve is—and that Eve knows they're coming now. She tells them she needs a favour: for them to kill her. The brothers are unwilling at first, but Lenore insists. She can't resist Eve's voice in her head any more. While she's trying to convince the brothers, Castiel steps in and burns her up.

Then he transports them all to Grants Pass, Oregon. Castiel looks around, and Dean makes a crack about Zombieland and Pleasantville. Jimmy isn't sure what Zombieland is, but it has to be some kind of film, given the other reference. Bobby says something about if Eve knows they're coming, she's probably got surprises for them. Dean calls Cas "Smitey McSmiterton", which is the weirdest thing Jimmy can ever remember Cas getting called.

Sam and Bobby argue about whether or not a tablet is a computer at the diner they find, and Cas says he'll take a look around. But he can't go anywhere. Dean calls him on it, Cas tries again, and Dean makes fun of him for looking like he's pooping. Jimmy doesn't want to know what kind of shits Dean is having if he has to concentrate on it. The whole thing is disgusting to even consider.

Castiel tells them that something is blocking him—he doesn't have any of his powers. Dean calls him a "baby in a trench coat", that jerk. Castiel doesn't quite understand why Dean would say that, but he's upset. Bobby does find something, though, and after he explains what's going on, they decide to split into pairs to have a search.

Dean and Cas go around, and find the doctor's office. Dean tells the lady who's locking up that his friend—Cas—is sick, and Cas says the first symptom he can think of. The lady apologises but insists that the doctor isn't available. That's really weird, so once she leaves, they go around back to break into the office. Castiel tells Jimmy that he should learn how to pick a lock. Jimmy informs Cas that he already knows how.

Then they find the dead guy. It's the same guy that Bobby found the picture of. Dean asks a question about the doctor, and Castiel says that he doesn't understand what's happening. They hunt down some kerosene and light up the dead guy, and then go to meet up with Sam and Bobby at the dead guy's house.

Wait a minute; is that the dead guy in the window? What's going on here? Cas asks if the dead guy had a brother, and Sam says no. How did none of the hunters notice the clone of the dead guy standing at the window? Sam says that he and Dean are going in, and Cas and Bobby can shoot anything that comes out of the building. Castiel points out that he doesn't have much experience with guns, and Dean makes another crack about babies.

Dean is such a jerk sometimes. Jimmy doesn't understand why Cas would be interested in sleeping with the guy. Well, aside from that mouth. Jimmy can't honestly say he hasn't had a few fantasies about Dean putting those pouty lips to better use.

He loses track of what they're discussing, and then they're at some bar full of dead people. Well, this bodes well. Dean finds a body that's a combination of a vampire and a wraith, and Bobby tells him that since he found it, he names it. Dean calls them 'Jefferson Starships' because, quote, "they're horrible and they never die". Jimmy concedes that that's fair.

The cops show up before they get much else done. Jimmy sees Dean slip behind the bar to hide while Cas tries to tell the cops that this isn't as it seems and Bobby tries to tell them that they're federal agents. Dean is the only one who escapes getting dragged off to the station. Handcuffs confuse Castiel. He recognises their professional use, but he's strangely aroused by the thought of their use in other settings. Jimmy files that thought away for later.

The cops turn out to be, uh, Starships, and Dean beheads one of them who's about to bite Cas. Cas gets out of his handcuffs and prepares to kill another Starship, but Sam stops them from killing the third one so they can question it—him—Jimmy isn't sure. Much like angels, he doesn't know if monsters have genders or what they would even be.

They question the Starship but don't get anywhere. There are two children who were in one of the holding cells. Dean and Sam are asking them some questions. Castiel waits for a lull to ask Dean for a moment and tells him they need to find Eve as soon as possible. Dean tells Cas to calm his tits because he wants to take care of these kids. Bobby and Cas can go ahead.

Castiel watches the brothers and the kids leave and stays at the window for a long time after they've gone. Bobby tries to calm him down, and Castiel uses sarcasm remarkably successfully—at least, Jimmy thinks so. Bobby doesn't catch it, and Castiel has to explain that he was trying to use sarcasm to point out the Winchesters' issues.


Jimmy does not want to know how Cas got this address. It's the diner they went to when they first arrived in town. Dean and Sam go in first. Jimmy really has to question their intelligence, especially when the people in the diner start pulling the blinds. He really wants to know what he's missing. Cas tells him to stop being so nosy.

Eve's little monsters capture Dean and Cas and herd them into the diner. With a sneer, Eve tells Castiel that she knows how angels work because she's older than him. Jimmy barely stops himself from asking, Do you people have to turn everything into a pissing contest?

Eve, bless her heart—so to speak—tries to make them an offer of employment. Dean adamantly refuses, saying that there's nothing that would make him say yes. He tells Eve to bite him, and she does. Jimmy is expecting something horrible to happen, but then it happens to Eve and not Dean. He's impressed; he never would have thought of taking a shot of whiskey and phoenix ash. It sounds like it would be terrible.

Castiel kills all of the monsters as soon as Eve is dead. Bobby says he should join them for hunts more often, and Dean asks if he can take care of the whole neck-bite thing. After Cas does, they find out that the littlest kid was one of the new monster prototypes... whatever they are. Cas gets them to the house to stop this last monster, but they're too late. Oh, and demons have already done it for them.

Sam asks Dean if he thinks that Eve was honest, and Cas asks about what. Dean says that she said that Crowley is still alive and torturing alphas for kicks. Jimmy is confused: Hadn't Cas burned Crowley's bones? Dean says that Crowley is wily, and Castiel says he will get right on finding out about that.


Castiel goes back to the diner where all of the dead monsters are, and Jimmy vaguely recognises the song the jukebox switches over to. He's pretty sure he hates Jefferson Starship now more than he did before this whole thing happened. Crowley shows up and asks how long he's going to have to clean up after Cas. Jimmy screams at Cas, wants to know why in the hell he's still working with Crowley.


After Castiel and Jimmy have settled their argument, Cas checks in on Dean. Dean asks if he's found anything out about Crowley. Castiel says he's looking, but he doesn't understand how Crowley could have tricked him. Jimmy tells Cas he shouldn't be lying to Dean; Cas, as he has been lately, pretends he didn't hear Jimmy say a word and tells Dean that he will come and assist them, if possible. Dean shrugs it off but says to call if they get into "real trouble"—whatever that's supposed to mean.

Dean asks Cas to not leave yet and pulls off the road in a well-concealed area. Jimmy tells Cas to wait and see what this new plan is. He's pretty sure he knows, and he's not as dead-set against it as he thought he would be, but he's not sure Cas knows. Castiel asks him why, and Jimmy says that he's seen them giving each other 'do-me' looks for long enough. Before Cas can ask Jimmy to elaborate, Dean lunges across the seat and kisses him, needy and insistent.

In the split-second between being kissed and kissing back, Castiel realises what Jimmy means by 'do-me looks'. He twists his fingers into Dean's hair and pulls gently, just enough to get attention. Dean asks if there's something wrong, and Castiel cautiously says that Jimmy is aware of this. Dean shrugs and asks if Jimmy has a problem with it. Jimmy tells Cas that he's been watching them eye-fucking each other for weeks, and it's about time they do something about it.

Castiel relays a much-shorter version of what Jimmy said, and that seems to be enough. Dean sheds his jacket and tells Cas to lose the coat, then pulls him in by the tie and kisses him again. The steering wheel gets in the way, and Dean growls at Cas to get in the back. Cas starts for the door, but Dean tells him to just go over the seat because he doesn't have the patience to keep waiting.

As soon as they make it to the backseat, they're tearing at each other's clothes again. Jimmy wonders how much porn Castiel has watched when he wasn't paying attention. Cas has a pretty damn good idea of what he's doing, especially considering how much room there isn't. Dean wedges one leg in between Castiel's and pulls his own shirt off. Cas runs his hands down Dean's chest and experimentally tweaks one of his nipples.

Dean growls and bites at Castiel's neck, muttering something about not having time for that. Cas digs his fingers into Dean's sides and whines softly in his ear. He's wearing too many clothes, but he's not quite sure what to do about that.

Castiel fumbles around just long enough to successfully unfasten Dean's jeans, and he sends them off… somewhere. He's not quite sure where they ended up. Dean looks down and back up at Cas and starts to ask what just happened. Cas leans up and kisses him again, then murmurs that Dean didn't have time for that, in case he'd forgotten.

Dean makes quick work of the suit. Jimmy is glad that he doesn't tear it into pieces; it's the most expensive set of clothes Jimmy's ever owned, and he doesn't really want to have to buy another one. Jimmy doesn't get to think too much further and ruin the moment for Cas, though. Dean puts his mouth to better use, and Jimmy gets to see what those pouty lips look like wrapped around his cock. For the record, he's sure that's what Dean's mouth is made for.

Castiel doesn't get to enjoy it for long. As soon as Dean thinks he's done enough preparation, he pulls off of Cas's dick. Cas opens his mouth, but his protest dies on his lips. Dean takes him slowly, at first, but Castiel's proclivity for a hint of pain pushes him to want more. They're both bruised when Dean finally shifts his weight off of Cas and says something that is half apology and half... something else entirely. He asks what happened to his jeans, but then says it doesn't really matter.

But they both have work to do, so maybe they should think about doing that. Dean tells Castiel that it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to see Cas, but they do have pressing tasks at hand. Cas just quietly agrees, puts his suit back on, and leaves.

Later, he asks Jimmy what that means. Jimmy tells him that Dean isn't worth worrying over.


Cas goes to Crowley to ask about progress with Eve. All Jimmy gathers from that conversation is that the King of Hell has an electrocution fetish. An argument breaks out over whether or not Eve should still be alive, and if they're each holding up their end of the bargain. Crowley crowds into Jimmy's personal space and sniffs at him, declaring that he can smell the Winchesters all over Castiel. His posture and tone carry a mild either possessive or jealous note—Jimmy can't tell the difference any more.

Crowley says he thinks Castiel has a conflict of interest. Castiel will never admit it, but Crowley is right. Dean, Sam, and Bobby are Cas's friends, near as he has any. The boys have taught him so much, and they probably don't even know it. He can't just betray them outright. He'll find a way to make it up to the brothers. He's not about to kill them, no matter how much Crowley asks or begs him to.

All he has to do is keep the Winchesters from finding Crowley. It's Crowley's job to find Purgatory. As long as they stick to their agreed-upon roles, there shouldn't be a problem. Right?


Castiel peers in on the brothers and Bobby, hiding so they won't know he's listening. They're talking about Cas; Dean calls him the "Balki Bartokomous of angels" and says that he's allowed to make a mistake. He asks Bobby if they really think Cas is in with Crowley. Bobby says he doesn't know, and Sam agrees. Jimmy tells Cas that he totally called this.

Then Bobby says something about "Superman gone dark side" and that they need to be circumspect and sharp, and maybe they need to stock up on some kryptonite. Dean says that that makes Sam Lois Lane, which confuses Jimmy: If Castiel is Superman, then shouldn't Dean be Lois Lane, not Sam? Whatever.

It hurts that they suspect Castiel already, but he's even more hurt on Dean's behalf. Dean tries so hard to be loyal, even if his instincts are telling him not to. Jimmy wonders if that has anything to do with the fact that not three days ago, they slept together.

They're off to find the demonic equivalent of Bobby, a guy called Ellsworth. Castiel finds him first and kills two demons that are bringing report, and then kills Ellsworth when he tries to escape. Jimmy asks Cas if that was totally necessary. Cas says yes, that he doesn't have a choice, that he has to protect the brothers. Jimmy isn't convinced; he wonders if Cas isn't just trying to protect himself. Castiel says he doesn't know anymore.

Castiel hides just before Bobby and the Winchesters come into Ellsworth's house. They're confused because the demons are gone and the house is spotless. Sam suggests that perhaps demons run from them now, that it's a nice thought. Guilt overwhelms Cas for a moment — for all of the deception, for his motives being tainted, for everything. Jimmy tells Castiel that he needs to get a handle on the shame.

The hunters are discussing how clean the place is and whether or not to call Cas. Jimmy thinks it's so adorable when Dean sticks up for Cas and asks if they shouldn't give him the benefit of the doubt. Both of the brothers try to call Cas, but he doesn't come. They'll ask him questions he won't be able to answer. He knows they will, and he is afraid of facing it.

Jimmy can't tell Castiel to grow up. How could he? Castiel is older than the Earth, and he's seen so many disasters occur and so many people come and go. He's been through things that Jimmy can't even begin to imagine. He's one of the wisest people Jimmy has ever known, yet the Winchesters and Bobby Singer turn him reckless. There's a large piece of Jimmy that wonders if Cas isn't particularly stupid about Dean, and why that might be. He has a few guesses but no solid evidence.

Demons attack the brothers before Jimmy can postulate further. Castiel has a moment of debate before he springs into action. He can upset Crowley and kill the demons, but Bobby and the Winchesters are his friends—and probably the only ones he's ever going to have again. So he smites the demons, Crowley be damned. No pun intended. For a moment, he feels like himself again.

Dean looks at Bobby and asks what he thinks about Cas saving their asses again. Bobby, appropriately ashamed, says he owes Cas an apology. They explain that they've been hunting Crowley this whole time but hiding it from Castiel because they thought he was working with the King of Hell. Castiel says they could have just asked, and he would have told them. Jimmy asks Cas if he would have told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth—or if he would have told them a bent version of it. Castiel doesn't answer him. Dean says they should have asked, that they shouldn't have suspected him. And could he forgive them?

Castiel looks at them and says it's forgotten. He's lying again, but the Winchesters trust him again—at least, for now. After an awkward moment of silence, Cas says that the idea of Superman becoming evil is absurd. He's still just himself. Dean says that means they can put away the kryptonite now, and Cas agrees.

Jimmy tries to sound a warning alarm and calls Cas out on the whole Superman bit. He wasn't supposed to be there when the Winchesters were talking about that! Jimmy has an inkling that Cas has been caught in his lies, but he keeps that thought to himself. He shouldn't make things more difficult than they're already going to be.

They go back and argue with Crowley about his sending demons after the Winchesters. Castiel says that they're his friends, and Crowley tells him he can't have friends and that he's lost it. Cas argues that he's well, and he gets mocked for that. Crowley asks if Cas really thinks he's not aware of what's going on, and Castiel looks at him and says, "Enlighten me."

Crowley tells Castiel that as long as the Winchesters believe in the honourable Castiel, so then Castiel can believe in it. It's a fine sentiment, and Crowley ruins it with something about a whore. Castiel throws Crowley into the wall and threatens to bury the demon if anything happens to the Winchesters. There's a moment where Jimmy senses a sharp attraction between his angel and the current King of Hell. He wonders if there's anyone that his angel isn't, at some point, going to have weird sexual tension with.


Dean calls Cas in for a powwow. Castiel comes and asks how he can help. They say they have a plan to track down Crowley, and then they trap Cas in a ring of holy oil fire. He asks what's going on, and Dean tells him they need to talk about Superman and kryptonite. They ask how long he's been spying for Crowley, and why the demon house was so clean, and how Crowley could have possibly tricked him with the bones.

The worst part is when Dean looks at him and says, "You gotta level with me. You gotta look me in the eye and tell me you're not working with Crowley." And Castiel can't do it. Dean calls him a son of a bitch, and he looks so hurt, and it breaks Castiel's heart. Jimmy can't say anything because what he would tell Cas is, I told you so. But he knows what his angel is feeling all too well, and he doesn't think he's awful enough to kick Cas while he's down.

He tries to explain. He tells them he did all of it to protect them. That he needs the souls so he can stop Raphael. He asks them to trust him, says he's still himself, he's still their friend. And he finally tells Sam that he's the one who raised him from perdition. Sam scoffs and says that Cas did a poor job of that. Then he asks if Cas brought him back soulless intentionally. Cas tells them that he doesn’t understand how they could think that, and Sam says that he's thinking a lot of things.

Castiel says that he didn't have a choice, that Raphael will kill everyone if he isn't stopped. Dean tells Cas that he most certainly did have a choice, and he made the wrong one. It's not as complicated as the angel thinks it is. There's no reason Cas should keep a secret like this unless he knows it's wrong. They're supposed to deal with this like they always do—together, not going and making a deal with the devil. Jimmy thinks that's rich, Dean trying to lecture them on making deals.

Castiel says it all sounds so simple, put that way. But where was Dean when Cas needed to hear that? Dean tells Cas he's been there the entire time, so where was Cas? Dean tries to tell Cas that they can fix it, but Cas doesn't believe it's broken.

He sends them on their way just in time for Crowley to arrive. They argue again, and Crowley tells Cas that all friends ever do is hold you back. Cas tells him to stop talking, and for one terrifying moment Jimmy thinks he's going to kiss Crowley, but then he tells him to get out of his sight.

Just before Crowley leaves, he poses one last thought: "You know the difference between you and me? I know what I am. What are you, Castiel? What exactly are you willing to do?" And then he's gone.


Castiel pays Dean a visit. It seems that Bobby made an effort to angel-proof the house, but he made some mistakes. Cas just wants Dean to understand, and Dean is pretty sure he gets it: some bullshit or other about Raphael. They have a truncated argument that ends with Dean telling Cas that he's defeated some big enemies, and Cas could be next on that list.

Jimmy and Castiel go back to that Tuesday afternoon Heaven that Cas likes so much. Castiel asks God if he's doing what's right. He says he's not going to ask again, but he'll do whatever he has to. He just wants to know if he made the right choice.

They get no answer. Jimmy wishes he could feel anything but a complete lack of surprise.


Castiel continues to work with Crowley to find Purgatory. Jimmy is increasingly worried that his angel is going to get double-crossed. It's one thing for Cas to make stupid decisions that alienate people when he has all the facts. It's another thing entirely for him to lose his friends because he's making choices that he thinks are helping towards a goal—one that he'll never actually reach.

Crowley kidnaps Lisa and Ben. Jimmy only cares as far as it's shitty to kidnap innocent people just because they know the Winchesters. He's not the one who's emotionally attached to Dean, but he feels bad for the kid. Castiel tries to keep Crowley from letting his demons hurt either Lisa or her son, but Crowley isn't having any of that. He just tells Cas to keep looking for their way into Purgatory.

Balthazar calls Castiel and grills him in concerns to whether or not he's working with Crowley. More lies, but at least Balthazar doesn't believe a word of it. He's not mad per se, more concerned that Cas is going to try to be the vessel for all of the souls if they actually do manage to open up Purgatory. He says that Cas might explode and take out a chunk of the Earth, but he's with Cas.

When Cas finds Dean, it's just in time to stop a demon from killing him. Dean doesn't believe that the angel wasn't aware of Crowley's plan, and he's pissed off. Cas apologises again and asks for Dean's support. He's always done what they needed and never asked for anything. Now, when he asks for one thing, he can't get it.

Jimmy tells Castiel that it'll be okay. Dean will forgive Cas, or he won't, but either way, that's how life goes. Cas shouldn't throw himself at anyone, least of all a jerk hunter who hasn't changed a bit in the four years Castiel has known him. Even getting out of hunting and spending a year with a woman he supposedly loves hasn't made a dent in what Dean is. Jimmy doesn't think there's any hope for change, now.

Cas politely asks Jimmy to shove off for five minutes and goes to the hospital where Dean, Lisa, and Ben are. Dean still isn't about to forgive him, no matter how much he apologises, so he tells Dean he didn't come on the hunter's behalf. Instead, he heals Lisa, so she can go home with her son. It's not going to change anything, Dean still isn't in a forgiving mood, but he asks Cas to erase Lisa and Ben's memories of him.

So Castiel does, even though he doesn't entirely understand why. Jimmy understands Dean's feelings all too well. It's the same reason he's never going to see Claire graduate, or get married, or have a family of her own. It's too dangerous for civilians to be involved with hunters. He's not sure when he stopped thinking of himself as a regular guy, but it's such a far-fetched idea now he can barely even imagine going back to life as it was before Cas.



part IV

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