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No Gods, No Kings... Only Man, part 1/4 - Dex
dextrosinistral
dextrosinistral
No Gods, No Kings... Only Man, part 1/4
no gods no kings only man banner

Title: No Gods, No Kings... Only Man
Author: dextrosinistral (frankie_felony)
Artist(s): ammo and h4ppy_fun_b4ll
Beta: wellworld
Rating Mature
Word count: ~30,900
Characters/pairings: Castiel/Jimmy, Dean/Castiel/Jimmy, Jimmy/Amelia, hints of assumedly one-sided Gabriel/Castiel, hints of Castiel/Meg, hints of Crowley/Castiel
Summary: There were a lot of things that Jimmy expected. None of them were ever that he would become a vessel.
Warnings: Canon violence; rude nicknaming; possible Stockholm and Lima syndromes; abandonment issues; depression; symptoms of paranoid schizophrenia; symptoms of dissociative identity disorder; self-inflicted damage
Notes: Gratuitous use of canon dialogue (almost all actual dialogue is pulled directly from episodes). Most of the mental health warnings are to err on the side of caution; they're vague, but plausibly present things. I owe a tonne of thanks to M for betaing what was supposed to be much shorter, tawg for enabling me even amidst my mid-writing doubt flailing, and especially to ammo and h4ppy_fun_b4ll for creating amazing works that, in my opinion, outshine my writing: You are all fabulous people.
Fic masterpost: here
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There are a lot of things that Jimmy has expected in his life, but none of them were ever that this would actually happen.


Jimmy asks to become a vessel of the Lord, knowing full well that it won't work because God doesn't exist. Well, he's mostly sure about that. There's no proof; historical accounts certainly don't match up with the stories from the Bible. Some people try to argue with him that the book is mostly metaphor, or that it's for teaching purposes, or that the stories were told to illustrate a point. A lot of others—far more than not—take what it says as fact. Jimmy doesn't think he's ever wanted anything more than to prove them all wrong.

No, that's not quite true. He can think of two things he's wanted more than that, but he's not sure which one of those ranks first. Is it supposed to be more important to hope for your girlfriend to say she'll marry you, or to hope that your baby will be healthy and normal and grow up into a beautiful, intelligent person? Jimmy doesn't know the answer to that, but he did want those more than he wants to prove people wrong. He's got two out of three already, so he figures this one will be a home run.


For a long time, nothing happens. Jimmy makes notes and waits. He has to be patient. It wouldn't do to step out and say, "See! There is no god!" until he has sufficient proof.

So he asks again, still expecting nothing. He supposes he should open his mind to the possibility that he's the one who's wrong. Maybe there is a God and he's ignoring Jimmy's request because he so adamantly refuses to believe.

After he decides to allow room for error, that there's a chance of God's existence, he tries again. For over a year, he waits. He gathers his findings to share with the world—or, at least, the average 1500 hits a month on his blog; he's still not sure how to find out how many of those are "unique hits". He's pretty settled that he's won this one. Five years of asking and giving up his hard stance and he still has nothing to show for it.

Victory is almost his! He can feel it. It may only be a small one, but if Amelia and Claire give up their faith once he presents his results, he'll be satisfied. He doesn't really need to convince anyone else. He's kind of tired of saying prayers over their meals. He only does it because Amelia asked him to a long time ago, and it's hard to convince her to let him stop now. He's not going to start a fight over it, though. He'll just show them what he's discovered.


Then he hears it. He's asleep when it happens, and he's sure he dreamed it when he gains full awareness. He writes it down though, puts a big question mark beside it. Maybe someone had been calling his name, but Amelia is still asleep soundly beside him. He gets up and checks on Claire, but she's sleeping peacefully, too.

He must have imagined it.


It's 3 a.m. three weeks later when Jimmy hears it again. Someone calls his name, but by the time he wakes, the voice is gone. He doesn't know what to think. Maybe he's finally lost it. He starts looking for a counsellor, someone he can go talk to in confidence. He's afraid he might be branded insane or, worse, an unfit father, and then taken away from his family. But he has to know if this is normal, waking up in the middle of the night because someone called your name, but then no one's there.

He sees two Christian counsellors who he thinks are lovely people, but they latch on to the idea that God might be talking to Jimmy and don't want to let it go. They want him to give them prophecies, or come to their churches and tell everyone what good news God is telling him. But he's got nothing of the sort; because there's nothing.

Eventually, he can't stand them anymore. He stops seeing them, tells them politely a few times that he's not interested in being their pet prophet – because he can't tell them everything – but doesn't use that exact phrasing, and then less politely a few times before he one day just tells them to "Fuck OFF!" and hangs up. It's maybe the third time in his life that he's used that word, and it tastes wrong.

So he finds a secular counsellor. It takes months. He hasn't heard anything in half a year, now, but he still wants answers. He tells his new counsellor everything—that he decided to ask for an angel of the Lord to come down and take Jimmy as its vessel because he wanted to prove that God doesn't exist; how he didn't hear anything for five years, and then it occurred to him that he should probably be willing to accept the possibility that God could be real. And then he'd started hearing someone calling his name in the dead of night.

The counsellor tells him he sounds legitimately crazy, but she's willing to work with him until he either decides to medicate or give it up – but she concedes that he just might be right. She tells him she has to give him a diagnosis so his insurance will continue to cover the visits and says that aside from what they would professionally call religious hallucinations, he does sound like he could have some anxiety issues. He says that if that's what they have to do, he'll take it, if it means that he'll be able to come back. She writes down everything he tells her related to his decision to set out to disprove God's existence.

He keeps seeing Dr Richards twice a month and updates her as he can. For weeks, nothing of note happens, but they still discuss what has happened.

Then one night he's up late with a bout of insomnia, and he hears it again. Jimmy, the voice says.

He stills, and asks who's there.

I am Castiel, an angel of the Lord. We need to talk, the voice answers.

Jimmy drops his glass. It shatters, and he bends to pick up the pieces. He's not sure he's heard correctly and says as much.

The voice tells Jimmy that he's come to their attention.

Jimmy doesn't know who 'they' are, or how he's come to 'their' attention. He casts a glance around, as if the mysterious voice – Castiel, he guesses – will just show itself.

Castiel tells Jimmy that his prayers, the times he's asked to become a vessel, paired with his complete lack of faith, have caused some concerns. The voice tells him that the others didn't want it to contact him, at first, but changed their minds once Jimmy created room in his heart.

Jimmy still isn't sure who 'they' are, but now he's certain that either he's having a – what did Dr Richards call it? A religious delusion? No, hallucination; that's right. He's either having a religious hallucination, or there's really an angel of the Lord talking to him. He asks where Castiel is, if it would show itself. He briefly wonders if angels even have genders, and if they're particular about how they're referred to, either way. Then he decides that's probably not very important right now.

Castiel tells him that most humans can't see angels in their true forms and survive, but it might reveal itself later, if it can.

Jimmy doesn't think he believes this. He asks for a sign that it's real and looks up at the ceiling, still holding the fragments of the glass he'd dropped.

Castiel tells him to use one of the larger pieces of the glass and cut himself. That Castiel will heal the wound, and that should be sufficient.

Jimmy says that that's asking a lot. What if Castiel is wrong and can't heal it?

Castiel tells Jimmy that he has to have faith.

So Jimmy cuts his palm all the way across, large and deep. It hurts—a lot—but he waits, dripping blood into the sink. He's pretty sure he needs stitches. Castiel tells him he won't.

He hears Amelia moving around their room. "Jimmy? Are you okay?" She appears in the doorway to the kitchen. "What happened?"

Jimmy looks back down at his hand, blinks in surprise to see whole skin. There's not even a mark. He thinks for a moment that he imagined it, but his blood is still in the sink. "I just dropped a glass," he says. "I'm fine. Go back to bed; I'll be there as soon as I clean up."

She nods, says, "All right. Be careful you don't cut yourself," and goes to bed. He's more disturbed by the sight of his own blood all over the sink than he'll ever admit, so he cleans it up as quickly as possible and joins Amelia.

jbb01colour

Castiel doesn't come back and talk to Jimmy for a few more days. Jimmy decides to tell Amelia that Castiel has been talking to him. She seems sceptical and asks if he didn't just dream it all up.

Jimmy isn't sure.


Jimmy and Amelia have some fights. A couple of them are about the usual things – money, Claire, sex – but most aren't, and it doesn't take long for Jimmy to wish for the arguments about bills. Amelia thinks he's insane. Jimmy's sure he isn't.


Amelia asks him to leave after Castiel tells him to put his hand in a pot of boiling water.

He goes out the front door and asks Castiel if it's time. He says that if Castiel will make sure his family is protected, he will be Castiel's vessel.

There's a bright flash of light, and he doesn't remember much else.


After a few months, he learns to observe what Castiel is doing. He and Cas haven't talked much; only once or twice if the angel has had a question. It's weird; almost like watching himself from a distance, only... not, quite. He doesn't know how to describe it. He feels very disassociated from himself, and he doesn't like it.

One evening, out of nowhere, Castiel asks Jimmy if he'd like to be more clear on what they're doing. Jimmy doesn't know what that means, so he asks. Castiel tells him that he still has work to do, but if Jimmy wants, he will have an easier time talking to Castiel or asking questions about what they're doing.

Jimmy considers it and decides that he wants to be able to talk to Castiel, but he's not sure he really wants to know what Castiel does. It gets lonely, being a silent passenger in his own body.


He teaches Cas about pop culture. It's a good pastime when Jimmy gets especially bored and Castiel isn't doing anything particular. They don't get moments like this often, but Jimmy takes them as he can. He can't stand hearing Castiel's gravelly tones overriding his own voice to question a reference he hears or sees. Jimmy knows he's not the one misunderstanding, but those words are coming out of his mouth, and it's awful.

Castiel tells him to pipe down, once.

Jimmy says he's still an atheist.

Castiel shuts up.


Jimmy is starting to get used to the idea of sharing his skin with an angel maybe forever when the weirdest thing yet happens. Castiel reaches down into Hell for some jerk guy with a really pouty mouth and a douchey haircut. Jimmy kind of wants to punch the guy on principle. Cas says no, but he leaves the jerk where his body is buried. Jimmy concedes that that's fair enough.


The douchey haircut guy and someone approximately the size of a moose are trying to call Castiel through some lady. He warns her to stop prying. She doesn't, and the sight of Castiel's true form causes her to go blind. Jimmy thinks that there must be a joke somewhere in that, but he's pretty sure that the angel won't get it anyway.


Jimmy just stares at Douchey Haircut and the redneck serial killer in retirement when they shoot him. What did they use, rock salt? That shit stings like nobody's business! If Castiel wasn't controlling his limbs, Jimmy would be rubbing his chest where he got hit. He grumbles at the angel about it, but Castiel shushes him. Jimmy can't believe it.

And then Douchey Haircut stabs him. Stabs him! The nerve of that guy, after Castiel brought him back from Hell and everything! Jimmy and Castiel look at their chest for a moment, and then Castiel knocks Retiree Serial Killer out with a little touch to his head. That's a good party trick.

Douchey Haircut asks Castiel what he is. Jimmy thinks that's rude. You don't ask a guy in a meat suit what he is. Before he can say anything, Castiel answers the jerk. He says that he's an angel of the Lord and that Jimmy prayed to be his vessel. Jimmy snorts, thinks, Yeah, right, I didn't pray for you, you shit, but he guesses that that must be the traditional way for vessels to become vessels, so he lets it slide. Castiel goes on to tell Douchey Haircut that he pulled him from Hell because of God's orders, because God has work for him.


Jimmy is vaguely aware of being in someone else's head for a moment, but it's just Castiel, talking to the douchey Winchester—in a dream. Jimmy is going to have to talk to his angel about boundaries. Just because you pull a guy out of Hell doesn't mean you can pop into his dreams whenever you want. Curiosity wins, after a while, and he asks Cas what he had to interrupt the jerk's sleep for.

Castiel explains something about 'Witnesses'. Jimmy doesn't know what those are, besides Jehovah's Witnesses, and he's reasonably sure that those aren't what Cas is talking about. He decides he's not about to ask. The answer isn't that important.


Castiel has decided it's funny to watch these damn Winchester brothers get exasperated when he 'misunderstands' something they say. Jimmy will never admit it, but he's all right with anything that pisses off the douchey brother. Dan, or Don, or whatever his name is. Jimmy doesn't really care to know. He's sure one day he'll know as a result of exposure, but he's not putting any effort into learning it.


They have what Jimmy has started calling 'days off'—any day in which Castiel isn't arguing with other angels or coming to the aid of Sam and Dean. Jimmy is still disappointed at how quickly he learned their names, but seeing as they're constantly shouting for Cas, he thinks it was kind of hard to avoid.

Jimmy convinces Cas to catch a double feature. He picks two films that won't upset Castiel's heavenly sensibilities too much and swears to Cas that they'll be fun. So Castiel agrees, and they sit through five hours of advertising, teasers, films, and credits. Jimmy keeps a running commentary through the whole thing.


Castiel never takes them to the cinema again.

Jimmy starts getting behind on his pop culture.





It's Halloween, and Sam and Dean are hunting down some witches. Typical. Jimmy has just trailed off on a train of thought about bacon when he realises that they're standing in the Winchesters' hotel room with someone he doesn't quite recognise. Castiel fills him in that the other man is the angel Uriel. They've just found a hex bag that would have killed the brothers hidden in the wall of their room.

The moose says some shit about 'awesome to meet you, Castiel!' and Jimmy wants to throw up in his mouth a little bit because it's so saccharine—sweet and forced and fake. Then Castiel calls Sam the "boy with demon blood", and everything is really awkward for a few minutes until Castiel follows it up with something about it being good that Sam isn't using his powers. Jimmy wasn't aware that anyone had any 'powers', but he's willing to bet that if Sam actually has any powers, he's using them. It's what he would do.

But apparently Cas and Uriel are supposed to destroy this town so the witch won't raise Samhain. Jimmy thinks that's hardly fair: An entire town just for one stupid not—actually—extant enemy? Sam and Dean argue that they'll find the witch and kill her, and the angels don't have to kill everyone in the town. Jimmy tells Cas that it's pretty sexist to assume that the witch is a lady just because it's a witch. Men could be witches too, even if they call them something other than witches.

Something's up with Uriel. Jimmy doesn't like that guy.

They go, and Uriel starts complaining about people and how they should just go ahead and destroy the town anyway because that's what Uriel is good at. Jimmy really just wants to punch him in the teeth. Castiel tells Jimmy to settle down; they're not punching anyone. He points out to Uriel that they brought Dean back for specific reasons and besides, they have to follow their true orders.

Jimmy still wants to punch Uriel. Specialist or no, that guy is a class-A dick. He finally gives them a moment alone, and Castiel and Jimmy have a quiet argument about this whole thing. In the end, Castiel confesses that he's not so sure about this plan from Heaven or what's right and wrong. If Jimmy was in a different body, he'd pat Castiel's shoulder and tell him, "Welcome to my life."

It's like they've just had a moment, one of the few that Jimmy finds pleasant so far. The moment gets ruined when Castiel shows back up to Dean after they fail to stop this seal from getting broken and—surprise, surprise—Sam used his powers to send Samhaim to Hell. Jimmy totally saw that coming, but he decides to take the high road and keep his mouth shut.

Castiel shocks them both by telling Dean that the orders Uriel and Cas had were to go with Dean's decision. Dean argues that he would do the exact same thing all over again because saving the town was worth it. And then Castiel says that he prayed that that would be the decision that Dean made and something about loving and respecting people because God made them, or something.

Jimmy stops listening about halfway through that sentence. He's a pretty easy-going guy, but he definitely doesn't have respect for all people. Then again, he also still doesn't believe in God.


Surprisingly, it is several months before either Sam or Dean says something that Jimmy doesn't catch. He supposes that the Winchesters are too busy hunting demons and trying to prevent the Apocalypse—something they're not likely to succeed at, in Jimmy's opinion—to keep up with all the goings-on in the world. Castiel seems more shocked that Jimmy missed a reference than anything else. The brothers don't seem to be able to tell the difference.


There's some crazy lady who they say can hear the angels. Jimmy's missed most of this, except that Castiel and Uriel want to kill her. The Winchesters have the crazy lady squirreled away so the angels can't get her. Castiel gets all over-the-top theatrical and says, "She has to die," like they're in some kind of ridiculous spaghetti western or something, and Uriel has some other just as absurd thing to say, too. Jimmy really wants to give them lessons on lines and how to deliver them without sounding like complete idiots.

And then they get banished. Jimmy's pretty sure he would care less if it wasn't really awkward, being the vessel during a banishing. It feels like being pulled apart at the seams and compressed into the tightest space all at the same time. Jimmy is surprised they have any bones left by the time they show back up on Earth. Jimmy asks Cas if they can please never, ever do that again because it's awful. Castiel says he has no way of knowing if or when they will be banished in the future. It's not exactly an easy thing to predict. He does at least have the decency to act apologetic about it, though.

They find the brothers again, and Castiel and Uriel throw out some more terrible lines about handing over this crazy lady or whatever she is. Jimmy really couldn't care less, but he doesn't want to go back there and get banished again. He doesn't think his teeth can take it. This demon shows up with that one demon Sam has been hanging out with—Diamond? Opal? Whatever. They show up and start beating the hell out of Uriel and Castiel and, by proxy, Jimmy.

Castiel tries to get rid of the demon, but it doesn't work, and then he gets pinned and the demon starts chanting something. Then Dean hits the demon across the back and distracts it. The crazy lady turns out to actually be an angel, but Uriel had her... whatever it is that makes angels into angels. That guy's creepy is the gift that keeps on giving. Jimmy wants a shower after being near him for five minutes. But they capture the other demon—Alastair, turns out—and take him away somewhere.


Castiel does some more weird dream-walking business, even though Jimmy has told him that it's probably a bad idea. This time, it seems to be more of an astral plane than somebody's head, so it's maybe excusable, but Jimmy still doesn't quite think so. He peers at Dean through Castiel's lens just in time to hear Dean ask why he was pulled out of Hell if death is the natural order of things.

Castiel just looks back at Dean and says, "You're different." Jimmy is pretty sure that his internal expression matches Dean's puzzled one.


Jimmy asks Castiel how Dean is different, and Castiel avoids answering him. Jimmy thinks his angel might know something he's not willing to tell anyone else. He really doesn't care, but if he did, he would pry. He thinks he can use some reverse psychology to gather information. Failing that, he'll learn how to spy. He's almost certain that it's impossible to actually spy on angels, but he'll figure it out.

It's a few days later when Jimmy decides that he's a little bit interested. He's not going to ask specifically about what Cas said, but he thinks he has some questions that will get him the information without being too obvious. Things like, So you had to be the one to pull Dean out of Hell? and, You like Dean better than Sam, don't you? It works remarkably well for about five questions, and then his angel catches on to what he's doing.

All Jimmy knows is that Dean is somehow special to his angel, but he doesn't know why.


Angels are dying. Castiel says they're from his garrison. Jimmy is surprised—it's news to him that Castiel is a soldier. When he remarks as much, Castiel dismisses the question, says of course he's a soldier. They have work to do, Cas says. They go with Uriel to pay the Winchesters a visit again, something about torture experience Dean gained while in Hell and using it to find out who's killing their angels.

Dean tells them to fuck right off, which is completely fair, really, but of course that doesn't work out for him. They're all transported off to wherever the angels have stashed away Alastair, and Dean insists on a private chat with Cas. Uriel finally agrees, and that's when Jimmy finds out that that jerk got promoted to babysit Castiel. Privately, Jimmy thinks that Uriel as a glorified baby-sitter sounds about right.

The people in charge of Castiel think he's emotionally compromised, especially in regards to the Winchesters. Jimmy holds his tongue, but only barely: Anyone can tell that he's gotten attached to the brothers. 'Emotionally compromised' is the key phrase in all of this. Castiel's judgment is clouded—he's become a bit of a loose cannon. Castiel asks Jimmy what he means by that, and Jimmy says he'll tell Cas when he's older.

Castiel continues talking to Dean while Jimmy is being snarky. What he says must be convincing because Dean goes to torture Alastair. While Castiel is standing outside, the crazy angel lady shows back up and says that God couldn't have possibly actually ordered for Dean to torture anyone. She's very convincing; even Jimmy starts to think she might be on to something. But Castiel says, "You fell," like it's something totally awful, and tells her to leave. Surprisingly, she leaves without another fight.

During all of this, Alastair manages to escape and go after Dean, and then he gets Castiel trapped. Jimmy feels like he's being torn apart for a moment, but Sam disrupts whatever Alastair is doing and the feeling stops. Of course, Sam is using his supposed evil demonic powers again, but it saves Jimmy and Castiel. Sam kills Alastair, but not before they get told that demons aren't the ones killing the angels. Castiel disbelieves, and Jimmy still doesn't actually believe in most of this shit anyway.

Jimmy steps back to give Castiel some privacy to talk to Uriel about whatever is wrong in Heaven. When he checks back in, he knows he must have missed something because Castiel is talking to the weird angel lady again. Jimmy still doesn't know her name, but he's pretty sure he can smell the crazy on her, so he doesn't think he even wants to find it out.

In the end, it turns out that Uriel was the one who was killing angels. He wants Lucifer to escape and kill all humans, and any of the angels in Castiel's garrison—well, if they didn't want to join that party, they'd meet their untimely ends. Jimmy knew there was a reason he didn't like Uriel. But Castiel isn't about to join Uriel—at least, Jimmy hopes not. They fight, and Uriel gains the upper hand, and Jimmy is worried for a minute that he's going to end up like all those other angels, laid out dead. Then the fallen angel shows up and puts a dagger through Uriel's neck. Jimmy has to give her some credit: his first impression had been that she was just totally out of her mind, but she's actually kind of a badass.


Jimmy tries to not meddle in the affairs of angels, even though he's a vessel. He has a feeling it won't lead to anything good.


Apparently there's a prophet of the Lord who has been writing about the Winchesters. It gets really awkward when Castiel meets this guy. He's called Chuck, and he has no sense of personal or spatial cleanliness. The house they're in is disgusting. Castiel is honoured to meet this bastard? Jimmy wonders if Castiel isn't crazy.



The next thing Jimmy really remembers, he's in a half—destroyed warehouse, and he's stuck with the Winchester brothers. Castiel is gone. He doesn't remember what's happened. But he meets Sam and Dean as himself. They ask where Cas is, and Jimmy doesn’t know. He doesn't even remember what's happened. He's hungry, though.

They question him about his possession. Jimmy tells them he's had enough of being a vessel. The last year has been objectionable enough. And then Sam has to ask if he remembers anything about his possession—anything at all. Jimmy rolls his eyes, tells them, "Yeah, bits and pieces. I mean, angel inside you, it's kind of like being chained to a comet." It's a lie, sort of, but he feels no need to tell them the whole truth. Sam and Dean stare at him for a moment at that answer, and then they tell him he can't go back to his family. Who do these brothers think they are?

Jimmy manages to escape by feigning sleep and waiting for the moose to step out of the hotel room after Dean has fallen asleep. He gets to his family, and Amelia tells him they thought he was dead. He doesn't have words to apologise for that, so he lies and says he was in an institution getting psychiatric help—like she'd wanted. She tells him he can't stay, and he's not sure why.

When he asks, she tells him it's too much. So he angles for dinner. It's simple, and it'll give him a chance to prove that he's normal again. But then their neighbours drop by, and turn out to be possessed by demons. Well, this is just what he needed on his first night home. How is he supposed to get back to a normal life if demons are following him? They escape, thanks to Sam and Dean, and Jimmy relents. He'll leave his family if it means they'll be safe.

His family isn't safe. Amelia gets possessed and she and Claire are taken captive. The demons offer to trade Jimmy's family for him. Knowing he doesn't have another choice if he wants to see his wife and daughter again, he goes to meet the demons. He stares up at the sky as he walks towards the warehouse, angry all over again. "Castiel, you son of a bitch! You promised me my family would be okay! You promised you were going to take care of them. I gave you everything you asked me to give. I gave you more. And this is the thanks I get? This is what you do? This is your heaven? Help me, please. You promised, Cas. Just help me."

He doesn't get a reply, but he doesn't really expect that. "Typical." Fucking angels. He goes on into the warehouse. The Winchesters are supposed to be there for back-up, but that doesn't work out so well. All they can do is watch when Amelia shoots Jimmy.

Jimmy watches, horrified, as Castiel returns—only he doesn't come back to Jimmy, he comes back and into Claire. She defeats the demons and tells Jimmy that he has a place in Heaven for his service. Jimmy considers rolling his eyes at the suggestion, but in that moment it fully hits him that he's dying. He begs Castiel to possess him again, to let his family go.

Castiel tells him that he's never going to age or die, and if he thought the last year was bad, he's got eons more of those to come. Jimmy tells him it doesn't matter. As long as Amelia and Claire are safe, it doesn't matter. Castiel finally agrees and leaves Claire. Jimmy gets one last look at his wife and daughter before they're on their way again.

Jimmy doesn't even have anything left to live for. That's why he asked Castiel to come back. Even after he's lost everything, he's grown to enjoy Castiel's company in a bizarre sort of way, the way Castiel talks, and Castiel's voice as it filters over Jimmy's. Sharing his existence with Castiel hasn't been the best thing ever, but Jimmy's gotten used to it. He kind of likes Castiel's sense of humour.


Jimmy is vaguely aware of something happening with the moose because Castiel lets him out of a panic room that Sam is locked in. When Jimmy questions it, Castiel tells him that he's only following orders. Jimmy thinks that's bullshit. Bobby and Dean are going to know something's up. They'll figure out soon enough that Castiel was the one who let Sam out, and they're not going to be happy about that.

They don't have to wait too long. Zachariah and Castiel kidnap Dean. They put him in a holding room without doors. Jimmy doesn't know how that works anyway, but he's not going to question it. Questioning it is close enough to meddling in the affairs of angels, and that's still a thing he's not about to do.

Castiel and Jimmy argue. Jimmy says he doesn't like being privy to bits and pieces of what's going on, and it's giving him a really poor impression of angels in general. If he's going to know anything that's going on, he wants to know it all. Castiel says that it's dangerous for him to know everything and Jimmy points out that he's already never going to see his family again. He deserves to know more than what manages to slip past Castiel's barriers. Eventually, Castiel relents and tells Jimmy that he will be more forthcoming with information in the future. Cas warns that Jimmy can't change his mind. Jimmy tells Cas that he's not going to.

Jimmy gets to bear witness to Castiel apologising to Dean, followed by an argument about stopping the Apocalypse. Cas says they can't stop the Apocalypse because bad things would happen and then they leave Dean alone for a moment. Jimmy asks what their plan is. Cas answers that he's just got a plan, but he can't say what it is or Zachariah might catch on and make him stop.

They go back to Dean and corner him but tell him to keep quiet. Jimmy watches in shock as Cas cuts their arm and draws a sigil with their blood. Drawing things with blood will never not be disgusting, Jimmy thinks. Zachariah obviously has picked up on Castiel's plan because he shows up to stop Castiel's mystery plan. Castiel puts his hand on the sigil, and Zachariah vanishes. Jimmy tells Cas he's full of neat party tricks. Castiel asks him what a 'party trick' is.

Castiel tells Dean that he's going to take him to Sam so that Lilith won't get killed. That's the last of the seals to be broken, or something. It's the only way to avert the Apocalypse. They stop in to see Chuck on the way. Jimmy does not want to see that guy again, his house is dirty and he needs a shower. Castiel ignores Jimmy's arguments, though, and they go see Chuck anyway.

Chuck tells Dean and Castiel that Sam is at the convent, and that's where Lilith is going to be, and then an archangel shows up. Castiel sends Dean on his way with the demon—killing knife to head off Sam so they can stop the Apocalypse from starting. Jimmy and Castiel stay behind with Chuck to head off the archangel.

Unsurprisingly, the plan fails. Lucifer gets out of his cage anyway. Jimmy feels himself violently torn apart, and then nothing.





The next thing Jimmy is really aware of is how impressively Castiel handles an angel sword. He's not sure what the difference is between an angel sword and a regular one, and Cas explains that the sword he's using can kill angels. Regular swords can't. Jimmy tells Castiel that he's going to have to stop being so awesome or Jimmy's going to swoon. He puts the air of a joke behind it so Cas won't freak out, but he's serious. He's really got to get a handle on his thing with Cas.

Castiel makes his pensive expression and doesn't say anything. Instead, he burns a sigil into Sam and Dean's ribs so that angels can't find them, telling the brothers that they have to watch out because Lucifer will be taking a vessel soon. Jimmy wonders how Castiel is going to know where the Winchesters are if the sigils on their ribs hide them from angels. He doesn't particularly care, but he thinks that it might complicate things later.

It's difficult for Jimmy to not say, 'I told you so!' when Castiel has to call the brothers to find out where they are. They're at a hospital with Bobby. Jimmy wants to know why they're at a hospital, and he's disappointed to hear that Bobby is in treatment. Over the past year, he's kind of come to see Bobby as a weird sort of father figure. Castiel and Jimmy get to the hospital, where Castiel tells the brothers that Heaven has cut him off because of the rebellion, and so he can't heal anyone now—among other things. Castiel apologises to Bobby for everything, but Bobby doesn't seem to want to hear it.

But Castiel? He has a plan to find God. The Winchesters can't kill God, but Cas seems to think that God is out there, that God can end the Apocalypse. Dean and Sam both look incredulous. Castiel says that God has to be somewhere, but it's not Heaven. Dean says something about a tortilla, and Castiel asks Jimmy if he knows what that means. Jimmy is pretty sure it's a joke, but he doesn't get the reference. Cas replies to Dean that God isn't on "any flatbread".

Jimmy tells Castiel that there's not a God right as Dean says that even if there is one, he's probably dead, and Castiel interrupts to assert that God isn't dead. Dean continues on, says that even if God is around, he "doesn't give a rat's ass about any of us". Jimmy is starting to diverge with Dean's theories here. He's certain that God doesn't exist in the first place. Dean's talking about how the world has gone to shit and God is drinking something tropical, probably with a tiny umbrella in it. Okay, so that last bit is Jimmy's spin on Dean's words, but why would you drink anything out of a coconut that wasn't in the coconut to begin with?

Castiel ignores Jimmy and tells Dean that this is an issue of tactics, not of religion, and that God can help them win. Dean scoffs, tries to dismiss Castiel's words. Castiel starts in on both the Winchesters at that. "I killed two angels this week. My brothers. I'm hunted. I rebelled and I did it—all of it—for you. And you? Failed. You and your brother destroyed the world! And I lost everything... for nothing." He stops for a moment. Jimmy just wants to hold him. Castiel is so sad. Sam and Dean look really uncomfortable, like they've just been caught doing something really bad. "So keep—your opinions to yourself." Dean at first refuses to hand over his little necklace talisman, but finally does, with some complaints, and Castiel leaves the brothers and Bobby in the hospital.


Jimmy convinces Castiel to get a cheap hotel room for the night. He knows Cas doesn't need to sleep, but Jimmy is exhausted from watching the whole exchange that just happened. He's pretty sure that Cas could use some time to wind down, too, before the search for God begins in earnest. They take a shower as hot as the water will get at Jimmy's insistence. When they get done, Jimmy goes out on a limb and asks if it's all right if they—

He's suddenly not sure how to frame the question. Sex with yourself is one thing, and sex with someone else is a different thing. But there's never been a question of sex with someone else when you share the same body. Castiel interrupts Jimmy's thoughts to ask what it is he wants to do. I feel... uncomfortable, Cas says, and then he clarifies that it's not a bad uncomfortable, just an unfamiliar one.

It takes Jimmy about half an hour to figure out what kind of uncomfortable Castiel is and to explain to Castiel what Jimmy wants. When they finally establish that they have the same want, albeit for different reasons, they crawl into bed and Jimmy asks Castiel for his hands. Castiel gives them back to Jimmy, but he's confused about it. Jimmy asks Cas to trust him; he touches their face gingerly, trying for a comforting gesture. It's hard to tell if he's doing it right until the tension bleeds out of their shoulders. Jimmy reassures Cas that if he is discomfited, they don't have to do anything.

Castiel says that he isn't uncomfortable with them doing this; it's just that... well, it's not exactly a thing that angels are supposed to do. He just doesn't want anything to happen because he's done something else he possibly shouldn't be doing. Jimmy points out that Castiel has been cut off from Heaven, and besides, most people barely consider masturbation as a form of sex, even if it technically is.

Jimmy gets one hand around their cock and gives it a few experimental strokes. He knows what he always likes, but he's reasonably sure that Cas might like something different. They might be in the same body, but that doesn't mean they'll want to get off the same way. He asks Cas to tell him if he likes something—and if he doesn't like it. Even before Cas tells him, Jimmy can tell he likes it just a bit rough. He holds off on any dirty talk, figuring that they can get to it later. He's got an eternity to spend with Castiel at this point; surely they'll have some downtime in the future.

Cas bites his lip when he comes. Jimmy dearly wishes he could see it.


They go to ask Dean for help. On the way, Jimmy asks what they need help for, and Castiel tells him that they need to find Raphael. Jimmy doesn't know who Raphael is; Cas says he's the archangel that killed them. Yeah, Jimmy wants in on this now. They can take out Raphael for what he did and—Castiel tells him they're not going to kill Raphael. They're going to question him to find out where God is. Jimmy doesn't like that plan. He's sure they're not going to find God anyway because God doesn't exist, but Castiel just won't listen to reason.

Dean reminds Cas about personal space—Jimmy has a laugh because he's been talking to Cas about that for months—but asks how Cas found him and why he's here. Castiel explains everything and details his plan. Dean disbelieves for a moment, says something about Thelma and Louise, which Jimmy is pleased to get, and considers a bit more. Jimmy thinks it's probably sad that he's happy to get a film reference that's almost 20 years old.

Dean says he'll help—if they make a road trip out of it. Jimmy urges Cas to take the offer; he hasn't been on a road trip since he and Amelia first got married. Abruptly, sadness hits Jimmy like a tonne of bricks. He wants to see them again; even though he told Amelia that it would be fine if he was declared dead—Claire will get benefits from it, and they'll be able to move on with their lives—he wishes to be with them one last time.

Castiel asks him what's wrong, and Jimmy can't articulate an answer. He tells Cas not to worry about it; ending the Apocalypse is more important right now. Dean asks Castiel what's going on, during the drive to Maine. Castiel says he'll tell Dean when he's older. Jimmy thinks that sounds familiar. Dean gives Castiel a strange look but doesn't say anything. Jimmy can feel Dean's eyes rest on them longer than necessary. He nudges Cas, who quietly tells Dean to keep his eyes on the road.

Once they arrive, they pay the sheriff a visit to find out more. Castiel suggests telling the sheriff the whole story, but Dean tells him that that's a terrible idea. Jimmy echoes Dean's words and nudges him to take the FBI badge that Dean is offering him. Castiel takes it, puzzled, and Dean reaches out to adjust his tie. Jimmy watches Dean's expression shift, his hands linger at Castiel's collar. Jimmy wants to slap Dean's hands away and shout at him to back off, but he's still fairly sure that Castiel wouldn't appreciate it.

They go talk to the sheriff, and Jimmy wonders if Castiel has learned anything at all from the brothers. He's shocked that they manage to convince the sheriff that Castiel is actually FBI, even though he looks the part. Somehow, Dean's "he's new" trick and some fast talking get them by, and they go to the hospital where Raphael's vessel is.

Dean asks if that's what he can expect if he becomes Michael's vessel, and Castiel tells him no. It will be worse for Dean because Michael is so much more powerful than Raphael. Dean doesn't seem too pleased with the news. Castiel says they can use holy oil to trap and question Raphael. Jimmy thinks this sounds dangerous. Castiel tells Dean that he'll be unharmed since he is Michael's vessel, but Castiel may not make it. Jimmy wants to shout at Cas for this.

Dean asks Cas what he wants to do for his last night. Castiel doesn't have any ideas; Jimmy thinks the question is a little weird, too. Dean starts asking questions and discovers that Castiel has never been with a woman. Castiel says to Jimmy that he's not quite sure about that. Jimmy tells Cas that by Dean's standards, Cas is still a virgin, but if Cas counts what they did in the hotel last week, he's not.

Dean takes them to a brothel. Jimmy is appalled, and Cas is even more uncomfortable. Dean tries to get them to relax, to no avail, and then he introduces Cas to some girl. Castiel drinks his beer in one go, and Dean gives him some cash and tips about what he should and should not do. She takes Castiel back to a room, where he proceeds to tell her that her father left because he hated his job, not because of her. She starts screaming, and Dean shows up. When he finds out what happened, he laughs, but they have to split before they get tossed out or beat up. Dean gets a bit handsy towards Cas again, but at least he's keeping it all at shoulder—level.

They go to the hospital room to try and summon Raphael in the circle of holy oil, but it doesn't work. Dean takes Castiel back to the empty house where they've stocked their gear. Raphael is waiting for them, and Jimmy is worried for a moment until Dean lights the holy oil to trap him. Dean talks some shit to Raphael in defence of Castiel, which only serves to prove to Jimmy that Dean has a serious thing for Cas. Raphael says that God is dead, and Jimmy says he never existed in the first place. Castiel doesn't believe either of them—though he's not about to let anyone know he's talking to Jimmy. He says they should go, and Raphael tries to warn Castiel against it, something about finding them and Jimmy stops listening because Raphael is a jerk. Castiel just laughs and calls Raphael his "little bitch". Jimmy offers a mental round of applause for that. He's glad Cas has finally gotten some balls.

Dean tries to give Castiel a pep talk about deadbeat dads, but it goes over Castiel's head. Jimmy doesn't appreciate how Dean is trying to squirm his way into Castiel's life or heart, or whatever that jerk's game is.


Jimmy has a dream that he and Castiel are in the future, and Castiel has turned into some sort of hippie, drug—using, orgy—having cult leader. Jimmy wonders why he can't have these dreams about himself. He's never so lucky.

He wakes up, and they're standing by a highway. Castiel explains that he wanted to join Dean in search of the Colt, but Dean wanted to go in the morning, so they're waiting. Jimmy isn't sure why they're just standing by the highway, but before he can ask, Dean suddenly shows up with them on the highway. Dean compliments Castiel on his timing, and Castiel gracefully dismisses it, like it was nothing.

Jimmy thinks Cas might be picking up on what Jimmy's been trying to teach him, after all.



part II

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